Stressed Out

Can we support our family of 4 on 1 income? Will we be able to move out of our parents and have a home of our own? When will we stop living paycheck to paycheck? How can we afford to buy what we NEED for our family but still keep up on our bills and debt?

Life with 2 kids is BEAUTIFUL. I don't want to take anything away from that! It is also STRESSFUL. I am literally writing this blog while sitting on the bed with my newborn laying on my chest (she doesn't like to be put down, she's a cuddle bug and loves to be held while 

sleeping). But if I wait for a free moment to blog, it might end up being a few weeks! Today, it hit me and I feel so STRESSED OUT. 

The day started with an exhausted mama and newborn (she had a rough early morning and had a hard time falling back asleep). We needed to go to the DMV this morning but didn't get out of the house until 10am. I had to get ready and thats hard to do with a toddler and newborn. Patrick was home and got Joshua ready and fed, but Annabelle didn't want to be put down so it was challenging to get ready. By the time we got to the DMV, we had the wrong address and when we got to the correct address, Joshua was super tired and ready to take a nap. When we found out it was a 2 hour wait, we decided we'll have to come back a different day. We came home and while the kids napped for a short period of time we talked finances and started looking for other full time job opportunities. Patrick isn't making enough for us to move out of my parents and we don't want to be here for another year. Shortly after Joshua woke up, I fed Annabelle and we left again to go to run some errands. Trying to shop with a toddler that didn't nap long enough and a newborn who is super fussy because she is over tired and can't fall asleep with a stroller and a car seat is NOT fun. We had to go to the mall because I don't have any clothes that fit me. I couldn't wrap Annabelle like I normally would because I'm trying on clothes. We were able to hold Joshua over for a little while with snacks and running around the mall but that didn't last as long as we were hoping. I was at the last store and thats when I was ready to start crying. Annabelle was crying, so I handed Joshua to Patrick so I could take her out but then Joshua started crying because he specifically wanted me to hold him. On top of that, Patrick and I were trying to discuss what we were getting at that store... we both just looked at each other and you could see that we both wanted to be crying with our kids but we held it together. I held Joshua and Patrick took Annabelle outside of the store to get her to calm down and try to fall asleep by rocking her. We made it out of the mall and I was able to get a few (literally, 2 items... but its better then nothing) that I needed. As soon as we got home Joshua went down for a nap and we started laundry and Patrick started cleaning (we've been putting off some cleaning, so it REALLY needed to be done today!). I came upstairs with the intentions of picking things up and cleaning but then Annabelle needed  to nurse and be held.

I got a phone call that I didn't know I needed at the perfect time... my Uncle called to check in on me and see how we were doing. 

Brian: "Hey, how are things going?"

Me: -pause- "Well, I was going to say things are going great but thats a complete lie." 

-both of us laughed- "Things are really hard right now and I'm pretty stressed out"

That conversation went on for half an hour and I started crying half way through the talk. He empathized with me and encouraged me and reminded me that it is really important to put ALL of our trust in God right now. Not just some or a little bit, but ALL of it. He told me that there is a way out and it won't always be like this which I found to be very comforting. 

I know we will get through this stressful time. In the midst of it, how do I get through it without losing it? Thats the journey that Patrick and I are on right now. Figuring out how to get through this with elegance and grace. We are being patient and not rushing to quick conclusions that sound easy so that we don't have to feel the stress. We are aware of the position we're in and not dismissing the fact that it just kinda sucks right now. We don't want to numb ourselves with distractions or ease our minds with a drink at the end of the day. We want to stay focused on getting through this together. 

I am so blessed to have the support of my family! To have my husband by my side always doing things to help me and take care of the kids and always asking me how I'm doing. My brother loves spending time with his niece and nephew and always takes opportunities to watch them. He will wake up with Joshua and hold Annabelle while she's sleeping because she sleeps better being held then being laid down alone. He never complains about them and gets excited to do things with them. My mom and Tom have gone ABOVE & BEYOND making sure we have everything that we need and to feel comfortable. They have sacrificed their space, time and other things to ensure we are taken care of. 

I am looking forward to the day that we have a home and money to experience things as a family.